How to Invade Your Neighboring Country in 12 Steps

Items you'll need:

• Troops (3 - 30 soldiers), weapons optional
• Your own country's flag
• Wi-Fi capable device
• GPS device
• CD player
• CD with at least one track of triumphant music
• Cellphone

Instructions:

1. Begin marching troops towards border of the country you wish to invade.
2. Use Wi-Fi capable device to access the internet.
3. Use your favourite search engine mapping service to locate an area within the border of target country which has flagpole with that country's flag flying on it.
4. Commence actual invasion into that area.
5. Once you have located flagpole, lower flag using soldiers. For added effect, you may have them grumble with disgust at the inferior design and representation of the lowered flag.
6. Place your own country's flag where inferior flag was previously, and raise to the top. Again, for added effect, you may have soldiers cheer the superiority of your flag as it is raised.
7. Turn on CD player.
8. Insert CD with triumphant music.
9. Have soldiers sing and dance. (If you have weapons, it is not recommended that you fire them into the air, contrary to popular misapplication of firearms during times of military triumph.)
10. While soldiers are still triumphing, use cellphone to call your government to inform them of the invasion and to invite them to the celebration. At this time, you will be informed that you weren't supposed to invade the target country.
11. Look at Wi-Fi device, compare to GPS device, and declare the search engine previously used to locate area unreliable.
12. Replace target country's inferior flag on flagpole and return to country of origin.

Congratulations! You have just invaded your neighboring country!

¿Dónde Está la Partida de Nacimiento?

Even the thorough and discreet search of the President's pockets by a young, Mexican lad - the best in the business...



... could not produce tangible proof of his natural-born citizenship.

NOTE: Please pardon the use of the Dreaded Tongue in the title of the post, but it means, "Where is the Birth Certificate?" I'm not particularly fond of Spanish, as it tastes as poison in my mouth. Besides that, they put question marks upside down. That little booger hugging Soetoro is Calderón's son, and I think his name is Luis Felipe. He wants to grow up and be a corrupt moocher just like his pappy. Mexico wants to keep up a steady relationship with us, because they only have about 260,000 military personnel (which we mostly equip and train), compared to our 1.4 million. Mexico would have more, but they only have three Dodge vans with which to transport them.

Obama's Foreign Policy

Whipped this up with inspiration from my award.

The War on Teddy Bears

From Infowars:

"The CPSC’s Resale Round-up initiative is targeting those of us who make toys, and other products, available to children they might consider to be toxic. We, according to CPSC chair-lady Inez Tenenbaum, '… are not only breaking the law, [we] are putting children’s lives at risk.'"

You know how civil servants often hand little teddy bears to children who were witness to fire or violent crime in an attempt to calm them? They sometimes say, "I need you to do something for me. I have this little bear here who doesn't have a name, could you name him for me and give him a home?" It gives the kids something to get their minds off of whatever may be troubling them.

Well, now Congress has reared its filthy head and decided to declare war on teddy bears via recall laws; the same ones that can slap you with up to fifteen million dollars ($15,000,000) in fines for selling a toy at a garage sale that has been recalled due to high levels of lead or something. Seems some teddy bears have been dipping into the lead paint a bit too much for the government to allow them to be distributed to terrorized tots, and sweeping new regulations and guidelines are leading one Wisconsin police department to switch to handing out a passel of books to the frightened toddlers, instead of the death-dealing bears.

Mmm, books to calm a three year-old... brilliant! Why hasn't anyone else thought of that? Maybe have them read one of Orwell's classics? Some Dickens, mayhap?

So, get yourselves in the mindset, these evil bears (Ursidae Fuzzius Cuddliae) have been terrorizing children for far too long. They hate our way of life, and wish to impose their regime of fluffiness and cuddly oppression via radical jihad and hugs. Not all teddy bears are radical, however, as some are merely seeking the American dream. But we will uncover and prosecute the radicals, whether they are hiding in caves or are tenderly tucked under a pillow.

If they are willing to come to the negotiating table, we are waiting. We will extend a hand, if they are willing to unclench their furry fist.

To nations everywhere, I say, you are either with us, or you are with the teddy bears.

Noble Peace Prize

I suppose you've all heard the news!

I have been awarded the Noble Peace Prize for my efforts to end hunger in Antarctica. Since my "Meals without Seals" campaign began in 1999, there are now millions fewer hungry Antarctican children, who would otherwise be eating seal everyday of their lives.

I want to thank my parents and my dog, without whose efforts I could not have helped anyone.

I thank you all!



(Notice: Son3 didn't win anything, because he didn't actually give sealess meals to Antarctican children, as there are no children in Antarctica, just a few, adventurous scientists. There is also no such thing as a "Noble Peace Prize"; he made it up. Obama did nothing to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. Not that I lend any credence to the Nobel Peace Prize. I think he should have gotten the Goober Peas Prize, because that sounds funnier.)

A Song for Trying Times

10 and a Half Minutes with the President

I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with our 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama, while he was out promoting his health care reform initiative. I requested 20 minutes given the scope and detail of my inquiry; they said I could have 10. Ten minutes, 600 seconds, not a lot of time to question the President about one of the most important questions in our nation’s Presidential history. The following is a transcript of our remarkable conversation.


Son3: Good day to you, sir! I appreciate you lowering yourself enough to converse with a pleb.

BHO: Yes, I know. Get on with it.

Son3: Certainly. I would like to let you know I didn't support you in the last election, but I don't want you to think that's why I'm bringing this subject up.

BHO: That's fine; I'm a major fan of the blog, by the way.

Son3: Really?

BHO: Um, no!

Son3: Oh. Well, I have some questions to ask you.

BHO: Tick-tock! Time is marching on!

Son3: Right. Sir, as you know, there is a large contingent of people who don't believe the official story concerning your place of birth, or the extenuating circumstances of your citizenship status.

BHO: I know.

Son3: I would think it'd be in your interest to answer their questions, respond to their concerns, et cetera.

BHO: Get on with it, boy.

Son3: Did you just call me "boy"?

BHO: What'd you call me?

Son3: Never mind. Um, why have you not submitted your birth certificate for examination by the general public, or even to a select group of experts?

BHO: I have. My campaign people released it online during the election last year.

Son3: Not exactly. That was an internet image of a shortform copy of your birth certificate. Besides, why, if you allowed your campaign staff to get a hold of it then, nobody can see it now?

BHO: I trust my campaign staff.

Son3: But you don't trust the American people?

BHO: Oh, that was deep! *Rolls eyes*

Son3: Seriously, sir, what do you trust them to keep secret?

BHO: I didn't say anything about secrets.

Son3: Okay, then why, if your administration is trying to promote transparency in government, why don't you simply release the certificate?

BHO: [An aide walks in and whispers to the President] You have 8 minutes left, Son3.

Son3: Then I won't waste a moment. Sir, your staff has mentioned your birth place in Hawaii as being at two different hospitals. Why the discrepancy there?

BHO: I don't know, good help is hard to find.

Son3: What about your step-grandmother saying, on multiple occasions, you were born in Mombassa, Kenya?

BHO: She did? Oh, well, you know how old people are. Maybe I should send free healthcare to Africa.

Son3: So, you're not going to answer the question?

BHO: You've got 6 minutes left.

Son3: Fine. You graduated Columbia University; can we see your transcript?

BHO: No. Why would you want to get that, anyway?

Son3: Because, you lived in Indonesia for four years with your mother and her husband under the name "Barry Soetoro", went to school to be taught in the Muslim religion, and you can even speak Indonesian to this day. The American people would like to know if you gave up your U.S. citizenship in Indonesia, and went to Columbia as a foreign student. Did you?

BHO: Cerita panjang.

Son3: Yeah. That. Are you going to release your college transcripts?

BHO: No. I don't have to.

Son3: Why not? And what about your passport?

BHO: You have 4 minutes.

Son3: Gosh, there are many questions that you haven't answered. Why don't you just answer them?

BHO: I don't need to, because you "Birthers" are on the fringe! Even your Conservative idols Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck don't care! Don't you think if they thought these were legitimate questions they'd stop making fun of people like you?

Son3: Apparently not. I suppose if they can't answer these questions, like you, they're dishonest to dismiss them.

BHO: Welcome to real-world politics.

Son3: You mean the demented-world politics.

BHO: I'm not releasing anything, even if they were on your side. The majority of Americans are on my side, as evidenced by my election, and the majority doesn't care about any of these questions.

Son3: The majority hasn't been given a fair chance to hear the facts! Liberals and Neo-Conservatives alike have marginalized this issue with strawman arguments, for no apparent reason! The people can't get the facts!

BHO: What's your point, Son3? Your time's almost up.

Son3: The point is that the people are slowly realizing that your silence on this issue is evidence of your ineligibility. The strawman arguments aren't working anymore. You and the media will answer our questions eventually. Already, there are dozens of cases being filed against you in the courts.

BHO: [President stands up to leave] I've heard enough.

Son3: [Walking after him] Obama, we're not giving up on this!

BHO: Yeah, whatever!

Son3: You are going to answer for your fraud; we know what you are and what you're doing, sir!

BHO: You lie, boy!

Son3: [As doubledoors close in face] We're not going away!

I looked at my timer, "10: 32". 10 and a half minutes with the President.

What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet. Our questions shall be answered. Someday.

Rambo V: Battle for Justice?

Not being into the whole "Rambo" craze, it is odd of me to take interest in the newest addition to the collection of Sylvester Stallone's filmography.

The plot of Rambo V, however, caught my attention. Sylvester is getting on in years, and it is a little unusual for a 63 year old man to be fighting bloody wars of valor; perhaps that's why I was so intrigued to hear about this new film of his.

According to initial reports, the sketchy details about the plot of his 2011 film has him hunting down the drug-traffickers of Mexico in search of an "abducted Mexican girl". A noble cause, no?

That is, until I realized who might be playing the girl...

(...Possible "spoiler" coming up...)

Sonia Sotomayor

¡Santa Maria!

The lack of details require speculation, but I'm just saying... the age is right, and she's one wise, Latina woman. She and Sylvester would look great together on the screen.

"Latina" is Mexican, isn't it?

Sheeple Crossing Sign

Inspired by Bryan at his Snake on the Flag's sign making venture, which I thought was awesome, I did a little sign making endeavor of my own:

Alternate:

Alternate Alternate:

A Few Quirks of Life in a Christian, Kansan, Paleoconservative, Hunting, Happy Home

Politics and religion are sometimes the only things discussed at the dinner table.

When rearranging the freezer, it is decided to give the rabbits that have been in there for over four months to the dogs. (They're freezer-burned, anyway.)

Your Great Pyrenees is named "Ruger", in honor of your favorite charity.

You have to spell out or whisper "rabbit", "squirrel", or "goats" when in front of Pierre the Papillon, as he has been trained to chase them all and gets into "war mode" at the mere mention of them.

You always notice the bevy of doves in the area weeks before and weeks after dove season, but not during.

When playing Monopoly, whenever one happens to land on the space marked, "INCOME TAX PAY 10% or $200," the player declares, "Ron Paul is President," and pays nothing. This is known as the "Ron Paul is President" rule.

You have to keep replacing the marker in the ground next to that fence post that some knucklehead buried just above the surface, so that it knocks you off the riding mower and ruins the blades.

Rainfall may be measured by how wiggly the dock is in the pond, compared to how it wiggled before the storm.

Everyone laughs whenever you say, "The goats aren't getting out this time!"

Beer Summit Joke

Obama, Biden, Gates, and Crowley all sit down together for the President's "Beer Summit" to discuss racial issues.

They all order their favorite beers in tall, glass mugs.

When Crowley's beer arrives, Obama says, "'Crowley', that name's Irish isn't it?

Crowley replied, "Yes, my great-grandfather was from Limerick!"

Obama then said, "Well, this is supposed to be a peaceful get-together, is it a good idea for you to be drinking so much?"

CASHEW: A Paleoconservative's Response to ACORN

The Communists' Organization:

ACORN (Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now)



The Paleoconservatives' response:

CASHEW: (Conservatives Against Socialist Hellions Enveloping Washington)

I Was Born in Hawaii: Proof!

Don't believe everything you see on the Internet.





What brought this on?

Knucklehead Recognition Award: Pope Benny XVI

I am now awarding the first of many Knucklehead Recognition Awards, given only to those certain, well-publicized individuals that have shown themselves to be a knucklehead enough to be recognized as such.

Today, I award Josef Ratszinger, alias "Pope Benedict XVI".


"Pope Benedict on Tuesday called for a 'world political authority' to manage the global economy and for more government regulation of national economies to pull the world out of the current crisis and avoid a repeat." ~Reuters

Pope Benedict XVI, in recognition of showing yourself for what you are, that being an ecumenical globalist, I pronounce you "knucklehead".

Pentagon Says N. Korean Threat is "Silly"

And this is the first time I have agreed with anything coming from Washington D.C.'s general direction!

How can we take seriously the threat of a " thousand-fold retaliation" and a "merciless military strike" if the U.S. does something NK doesn't like, when they only have a fraction of our military power, and only a few thousand miles of open sea to cross?

They can get away with talking to their citizens like that, and it might affect them, but they seem to forget about the whole "sleeping giant" thing.

I think our policy towards them should be, "Kim, give us back the Pueblo, and we won't send a laser-guided missile through your palace's dining room window," or something like that. No boots on the ground or anything like that, just a simple, short request followed by cooperation or an explosion.

Didn't the North Korean missile program have to be postponed due to the punk getting wet?

Sample of North Korean Missile Program.
(Heavy Artillery)

Then there was the time that the bottle fell over.

And the nuclear program was postponed because someone forgot to stir it every thirty minutes...! *Fingers pointing at Sung-Twong*

Obama, the Great Dictator?

I know this is unlike me, posting comedic videos like this, but I couldn't help but think of Obama when I saw it. From Charlie Chaplin's The Great Dictator:



(I'd recommend the movie, though it contains very Communistic sentiments at the end.)



Obama shares many characteristics with Hitler, including his almost hypnotic speaking ability, his emphasis on hope and change, his emphasis on government ownership of industry, and wanting to be constantly fueling his foreign wars. (Afghanistan, Iraq)

He has a cult following similar to Hitler's, he is pushing for brownshirt-like mandatory assemblies of young people as a second military, and he is for the extermination of innocent lives.

Did Hitler ever use teleprompters?

Biden Whispers Encouragements to Sotomayor

Caption of the Day

"Sir, your slip is showing."

Of Men and Apes

I was always amazed at George Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee, especially during his earlier years as governor of Texas.

Even Democrats noticed and mentioned it.

Someone went so far as to make a shirt that shows the similarities.

Now, we have another President-Primate lookalike, though a little more specific this time.

I hadn't noticed before a few months ago, when it was brought to my attention by a news story of a man being labeled a "racist" for making these shirts:

There were demonstrations and protests outside the man's business, because he was selling these shirts. The creator of the shirts said, "Look at him . . . the hairline, the ears — he looks just like Curious George."

Why is it wrong to make the Obama/Curious George comparison, but not to make the Bush/Chimp comparison?

Let's put this into better perspective:

"Man 'A' looks like a monkey."

"Man 'B' looks like a monkey."

Which statement is objectionable? Neither?

Now, let's add a little more information.

"Man 'A' is a Republican, and he looks like a monkey."

"Man 'B' is a Democrat, and he looks like a monkey."

Anything objectionable yet?

Let's continue.

"Man 'A' is from Texas, and he looks like a monkey."

"Man 'B' is from Illinois, and he looks like a monkey."

Objection, anyone?

Continuing.

"Man 'A' speaks with a "Texan" accent, and he looks like a monkey."

"Man 'B' speaks with a "Northern" accent, and he looks like a monkey."

Still no complaints?

"Man 'A' has served as President, and he looks like a monkey."

"Man 'B' will serve as President, and he looks like a monkey."

The silence is deafening.

One last thing...

"Man 'A' has a light-skinned mother and a light-skinned father, and he looks like a monkey."

"Man 'B' has a light-skinned mother and a dark-skinned father, and he looks like a monkey."

"RACIST!!!"

Why? Would this have anything to do with the differing amounts of melanin in the skin of man "A" and the skin of man "B"?

Their politics, states of origin, speech patterns, and public offices had no bearing on anybody's opinion, only their skin tone. I guess we haven't gotten past our "racism" after all.

But, it isn't about "race"(as they like to call it), only those who do not understand ideology and politics worry about a person's skin color.

I don't look at Obama and think "black", I think about his ideology and politics.

I don't look at Bush and think "white", I think about his ideology and politics.

But, I still don't know what to do with this one:

Strange world.

A Final Word for 2008

I would like to ring in 2009 with this stunning display of eloquent speech and an outstanding performance of oratory genius in the Senate chamber. Yes, this is a man that has been elected time and time again to the Upper House of the Legislative Body of our Government which we call the Senate.

Our Government, the one that spends billions of your dollars with the flick of a pen, is partially run by that man.

Not too many speeches like that anymore.

Be sure to wake up in time to watch the ball drop in Times Square!