10 and a Half Minutes with the President

I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with our 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama, while he was out promoting his health care reform initiative. I requested 20 minutes given the scope and detail of my inquiry; they said I could have 10. Ten minutes, 600 seconds, not a lot of time to question the President about one of the most important questions in our nation’s Presidential history. The following is a transcript of our remarkable conversation.


Son3: Good day to you, sir! I appreciate you lowering yourself enough to converse with a pleb.

BHO: Yes, I know. Get on with it.

Son3: Certainly. I would like to let you know I didn't support you in the last election, but I don't want you to think that's why I'm bringing this subject up.

BHO: That's fine; I'm a major fan of the blog, by the way.

Son3: Really?

BHO: Um, no!

Son3: Oh. Well, I have some questions to ask you.

BHO: Tick-tock! Time is marching on!

Son3: Right. Sir, as you know, there is a large contingent of people who don't believe the official story concerning your place of birth, or the extenuating circumstances of your citizenship status.

BHO: I know.

Son3: I would think it'd be in your interest to answer their questions, respond to their concerns, et cetera.

BHO: Get on with it, boy.

Son3: Did you just call me "boy"?

BHO: What'd you call me?

Son3: Never mind. Um, why have you not submitted your birth certificate for examination by the general public, or even to a select group of experts?

BHO: I have. My campaign people released it online during the election last year.

Son3: Not exactly. That was an internet image of a shortform copy of your birth certificate. Besides, why, if you allowed your campaign staff to get a hold of it then, nobody can see it now?

BHO: I trust my campaign staff.

Son3: But you don't trust the American people?

BHO: Oh, that was deep! *Rolls eyes*

Son3: Seriously, sir, what do you trust them to keep secret?

BHO: I didn't say anything about secrets.

Son3: Okay, then why, if your administration is trying to promote transparency in government, why don't you simply release the certificate?

BHO: [An aide walks in and whispers to the President] You have 8 minutes left, Son3.

Son3: Then I won't waste a moment. Sir, your staff has mentioned your birth place in Hawaii as being at two different hospitals. Why the discrepancy there?

BHO: I don't know, good help is hard to find.

Son3: What about your step-grandmother saying, on multiple occasions, you were born in Mombassa, Kenya?

BHO: She did? Oh, well, you know how old people are. Maybe I should send free healthcare to Africa.

Son3: So, you're not going to answer the question?

BHO: You've got 6 minutes left.

Son3: Fine. You graduated Columbia University; can we see your transcript?

BHO: No. Why would you want to get that, anyway?

Son3: Because, you lived in Indonesia for four years with your mother and her husband under the name "Barry Soetoro", went to school to be taught in the Muslim religion, and you can even speak Indonesian to this day. The American people would like to know if you gave up your U.S. citizenship in Indonesia, and went to Columbia as a foreign student. Did you?

BHO: Cerita panjang.

Son3: Yeah. That. Are you going to release your college transcripts?

BHO: No. I don't have to.

Son3: Why not? And what about your passport?

BHO: You have 4 minutes.

Son3: Gosh, there are many questions that you haven't answered. Why don't you just answer them?

BHO: I don't need to, because you "Birthers" are on the fringe! Even your Conservative idols Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck don't care! Don't you think if they thought these were legitimate questions they'd stop making fun of people like you?

Son3: Apparently not. I suppose if they can't answer these questions, like you, they're dishonest to dismiss them.

BHO: Welcome to real-world politics.

Son3: You mean the demented-world politics.

BHO: I'm not releasing anything, even if they were on your side. The majority of Americans are on my side, as evidenced by my election, and the majority doesn't care about any of these questions.

Son3: The majority hasn't been given a fair chance to hear the facts! Liberals and Neo-Conservatives alike have marginalized this issue with strawman arguments, for no apparent reason! The people can't get the facts!

BHO: What's your point, Son3? Your time's almost up.

Son3: The point is that the people are slowly realizing that your silence on this issue is evidence of your ineligibility. The strawman arguments aren't working anymore. You and the media will answer our questions eventually. Already, there are dozens of cases being filed against you in the courts.

BHO: [President stands up to leave] I've heard enough.

Son3: [Walking after him] Obama, we're not giving up on this!

BHO: Yeah, whatever!

Son3: You are going to answer for your fraud; we know what you are and what you're doing, sir!

BHO: You lie, boy!

Son3: [As doubledoors close in face] We're not going away!

I looked at my timer, "10: 32". 10 and a half minutes with the President.

What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet. Our questions shall be answered. Someday.