How to Invade Your Neighboring Country in 12 Steps

Items you'll need:

• Troops (3 - 30 soldiers), weapons optional
• Your own country's flag
• Wi-Fi capable device
• GPS device
• CD player
• CD with at least one track of triumphant music
• Cellphone

Instructions:

1. Begin marching troops towards border of the country you wish to invade.
2. Use Wi-Fi capable device to access the internet.
3. Use your favourite search engine mapping service to locate an area within the border of target country which has flagpole with that country's flag flying on it.
4. Commence actual invasion into that area.
5. Once you have located flagpole, lower flag using soldiers. For added effect, you may have them grumble with disgust at the inferior design and representation of the lowered flag.
6. Place your own country's flag where inferior flag was previously, and raise to the top. Again, for added effect, you may have soldiers cheer the superiority of your flag as it is raised.
7. Turn on CD player.
8. Insert CD with triumphant music.
9. Have soldiers sing and dance. (If you have weapons, it is not recommended that you fire them into the air, contrary to popular misapplication of firearms during times of military triumph.)
10. While soldiers are still triumphing, use cellphone to call your government to inform them of the invasion and to invite them to the celebration. At this time, you will be informed that you weren't supposed to invade the target country.
11. Look at Wi-Fi device, compare to GPS device, and declare the search engine previously used to locate area unreliable.
12. Replace target country's inferior flag on flagpole and return to country of origin.

Congratulations! You have just invaded your neighboring country!

Stewart Meets with Treasury Secretary

This past April, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner paid a visit to comedian Jon Stewart to discuss the economy.

Um... why?

“Jon Stewart is influential in America, so we took the opportunity for the two to meet and to discuss the economy,” is the response given by the Treasury spokesman.

Uhh... what? Because a comedian is influential (a sign of the times in and of itself), the treasury secretary goes to discuss the economy with him. I would say Glenn Beck, Ronald McDonald, or Justin Bieber have as much influence as Stewart does, why choose the liberal comedian? Is there some benefit to one or the other?

I'd like to see the minutes of that meeting.

Kansas is Free

Kansan voters passed a new constitutional amendment, that we now, as a rule, have the right to keep and bear arms in Kansas. I think that deserves a song...

It is now a point of law that we retain our right to bear;
Kansas is a friendly land to free men everywhere.
Our state is now another place that tyrants never dare
To goose-step us into to tyranny, lest our "Liberty Teeth" we bare.

Go tell a candid world, O ye Sons of Liberty,
Kansas is now insured against the threat of tyranny,
From the Jayhawks in Topeka to the despots in D.C.,
Tell them Kansans are refreshing Ye Olde Tree of Liberty!

Our liberties we prize, and our rights we will maintain.
We've defended them before, and we will do it now again.
The power over men and arms is now quickly being drained,
As the chains are loosed from freedom, despotic rule is being reigned.

Go tell a candid world, O ye Sons of Liberty,
Kansas is now insured against the threat of tyranny,
From the Jayhawks in Topeka to the despots in D.C.,
Tell them Kansans are refreshing Ye Olde Tree of Liberty!

We may never have to use them, and it's our hope we never do,
But it's best to have the upper hand should corruption e'er accrue.
If our votes just plain won't work, our glinting muzzles will, in lieu.
And we'll raise the yellow Rattler Flag, like our forefathers used to do.

Go tell a candid world, O ye Sons of Liberty,
Kansas is now insured against the threat of tyranny,
From the Jayhawks in Topeka to the despots in D.C.,
Tell them Kansans are refreshing Ye Olde Tree of Liberty!